11th of October

Today was mundane, up until it got to the complete opposite.  It started with a very bad nights sleep due to a stuffy cold, people leaving the house at unearthly hours, and a tiny bladder.  I decided, for two reasons, to stay at home today.  The first was that I had a stuffy cold and couldn't face having to engage my brain in anything, and second, I had a bike on deliver!  So I had to wait around for the delivery man.

This led to me reading notes, watching videos and generally being a bum.  Some may say no change there then...  I eventually did go into uni for a course induction, almost two weeks after the course started, to listen to a Chinese guy waffle on about stuff that I was pretty much already aware of.

Upon arrival back home, much to my disdain, my bike STILL hadn't arrived, and it was pushing half five.  When at pretty much bang on half five there was a loud banging on the door, and my bike, all in many boxes, sitting, waiting for me!  My excitement was almost tangible.  I rushed to the living room and started to unbox and piece together my new piece of kit.  It was a slow process, and was just opening the boxes, whoever packed them must have use at least five rolls of gaffa tape, on each box.

Once everything was unpacked, assembly began.  This is where my day really started.  This is where I became really frustrated.  This is where I almost broke the bike.  Somehow, the chain had formed a double loop.  I knew I must be able to fix it, because it got into that position, it surely must be able to be undone.  But it had me stumped.  Literally.  I was sat for nearly three hours trying to figure this out.  I looked at all the forums I could find, all the blogs, journals, vlogs, anything I could find that mentioned it.  There was very little, and what I could find wasn't all that helpful.  Most of them told the reader to talk a chill pill, or failing that, a really stiff drink, so taking their advice, I got a glass of water and made a pizza.

The pizza was a bit of a disaster, but that's another story.  After my pizza, I stumbled across a gem; it was hidden deep in a forum, a tiny man calling out amongst giants throwing their weight around, all of whom were saying it "couldn't be fixed", or "you need to break the loop".  This wizard said, "this happened to me, I made a website for it, and here it is http://baltimorefivefinger.blogspot.co.uk/2010/06/un-knotting-or-unlooping-bike-chain.html".  I am not even joking when I say this guy saved my life, well, the life of my bike.  It still had me confounded, but his reassuring manner allowed me to be cool calm and collected, and figure it.  Like a boss.

The rest, as they say, is history.  Everything else went on/in without fuss or bother, and I now have a fully functional road bike!

Yippy-Ky-Yay.

Joe out

8th of October

As it is probably aware, I am quite a fan of swimming, I swim, when I can, up to five times a week!  This of course means that unless I want to end up with a heavenly pair of swim shorts (by that I mean holey), then you must, and I mean must, ensure that you purchase a new pair of swim shorts every now and again!

So, being a good boy, I bought myself two pairs, one for five pounds, the other for about fifteen.  I then also bought a new pair of goggles because I became fed up with my old ones fogging up all the time!  Anyway, long story short, they are all great!  

However, I have a few concerns, first up is the more expensive pair of jammers I bought.  They are fantastic, made by some Asian company, top notch design and material, couldn't ask for anything better, except perhaps a larger crotch area.  I just about manage to squeeze into them, but I do notice that they ride very low around my hips, and I often find myself having to readjust...

On to the second pair, which of course aren't as high tech in design or material, in fact, I'd say they were fairly bog standard.  So nothing wrong there.  Except when you want to try and get out of them!  Like most people, I assume, I tie up the strings to prevent them slipping off, however, when it came to getting out, I found myself very worried that I might have to stay in them for the rest of the day, because I could not untie the strings.  There was nothing wrong with my knot, it was simply a bow, but the company have somehow managed to thread it in a way that makes getting out a very difficult task indeed.  Thankfully though, I did manage!

Joe out

Laaandan

So today I went to London, the Capital, the Head Honcho, the Bees Knees.  It was interesting to say the least.  Even before I went I had to have constructed a full scale itinerary, just to satisfy my father that I wouldn't be wasting time, and/or getting lost.  And I just had to see the blue whale!  It is probably fairly obvious by now that I am not a regular visitor.

Anyhow, upon arriving in London, my Dad left me for his business with "good luck and try not to get too lost."  Which is always reassuring coming from a parent.  Turns out I didn't get lost, well, not too much.

I successfully traversed the underground, combining travel on two different lines seamlessly.  I am a master of trains and stations.  I then navigated the subway to the Natural History Museum single-handedly.  I am a genius.

I then conducted a whistle stop tour of the Museum, and while doing so, realised that it was particularly underwhelming.  Everything seemed so much cooler when seven years old.  All the dinosaurs had shrunk, the exhibitions where extremely simple and rocks are incredibly boring.  But still, I soldiered on viewing as many exhibits as I could!

From here I travelled the Tube to Covent Garden, where I saw the impact consumerism is having upon our generation.  As most people are aware, there is, situated in Covent Garden, a rather large Apple store.  Today, outside said Apple store, was a rather large queue.  A queue with perhaps two hundred people in it. What is it for I hear you ask?  I special limited edition Steve Jobs signed original iPod?  Perhaps a rare meteorite that has fallen to earth?  Or even an escaped dinosaur?! Nope, it was none of these, it was a queue for the new iPhone, which to me looks remarkably similar to the previous incarnation, which to me doesn't really do much more than the original.  So all in all I saw a selection of stupid people outside a stupid store.  To add icing to this ridiculous cake, it was raining!

After slipping and sliding my way around the historic market, I headed back onto the Tube, and towards Trafalgar Square, to see a monument dedicated to a true British hero.  I sat here and watch scores of school children screaming and shouting, climbing all over this historic monument.  Hmmmm.

Then I took a stroll to Westminster to see Big Ben and the London eye, before heading back to the Tube for a final time.  Then the journey home was fairly uneventful (mainly due to a large amount of sleep).  Upon arriving back, a visit to the Grandma ensued, which was possibly my highlight of the day.  I shall leave you with possibly one of my Grandma's best ever quotes:

"What is a doughball?"


Joe out

Mumblings and grumblings

Today's revelations include the fact that the Internet is so incredibly depressing, I spend far too much time just wasting time, and I hate phones.

Everything on the Internet seems to either be about a boy band with questionable sexuality or a depressing picture with an equally depressing quote. To think someone actually comes up with this shizzle! It sickens me, even the ones which are supposed to be motivational seem only to be just as depressing. It seems to me that I you are searching the Internet for motivational or depressing quotes, then something is horribly wrong in your life. Sort it out!

Most of my summer holiday is spent either working or wasting time. There doesn't seem to be any middle ground. Ok, there are the occasional outings, get togethers and of course trips to see people who mean a lot to me. But other than that, I'm at home twiddling my thumbs, sleeping or time wasting in front of a screen. This almost completely contradicts my next point, but anywho... As a student, life is financially difficult, so I've learnt to enjoy work and make light of it! This way it all seems less arduous, and it consumes time. As much as I want time to not go by, it does, and there is little I can do to prevent that, but I wish sometimes that I was organised, and instead of sitting down and being aggrieved by the fact time is ticking on, I wish I could find meaningful and useful things to do.

And finally, phones. You can't escape them, they are everywhere, people contacting you left, right and centre. It seems to me that when you want to be doing something else, somewhere else, there is always someone wanting to talk to you. This is usually problematic, and something I wish I could do without. I may, one day in the future, forsake my iPod and my phone, and go, perhaps, for a week without communication, just to see what freedom from it all tastes like!

And now I come to a close, I can smell dinner, a chicken korma if my nose doesn't deceive me.

For now, adieu.

17th of May (Just)

Today saw my Maths lecturer crack a funny

          "Laplace transforms are easy, you just need to know your shift..."

It is funny, trust me.

Anyhow, today I cooked my second batch of curry, which takes me up to near ten servings.  This is fantastic, as due to imminent exam period, the last thing I need to worry about is cooking nutritional meals to sate my appetite.  So now I have ten meals for fourteen days, give or take.  I am as good as sorted.  On the downside, I may have just condemned myself to a bout funny tummy syndrome, more often known as Delhi Belly.  'Nuf said, and moving on...

I also today managed a load of washing.  For any prospective students, if you get time, do your washing.  Or you'll end up reusing clothes to no end.  And no-one wants a stinky Pete about.  So, given enough time, spend your beer money on a wash and spare the world your grizzliness.  Mucho Gracias.

Another tip for aspiring students is to remember what you are heading to the shops for.  It's all very well getting nice ingredients for that elegant dish you are making, but if you forget the washing powder, how are you going to wash your clothes?  Simple things really, you'd have thought I'd have learnt by now...

Joe out.

16th of May

Learnt some pretty major life lessons today.  Not going to lie, one almost made me poo my pants.  I was on the bus, minding my own business when I spot a cyclist in the lane next to me wanting to turn right.  That is, turn right in front of the bus.  This, as any sane person would probably realise is definitely not the safest thing in the world to do.  In fact, I would say it registers close to the bottom of that list.  So anyhow, the cyclist gets a quick getaway and the bus driver suddenly realises there is a cyclist in imminent danger and slams the brakes on.  Stupid cyclist.


The second lesson is to never, and I mean never, score a try whilst playing against your own team.  Especially if that try wins the game, as the last play.  Your team mates don't appreciate that very much...


Now that exam period is scarily close, it has occurred to me that I may well need to do some washing at some point in the near future, because, like as not, I am going to need some clean underwear and tops.  This could be catastrophic if left unattended!


But on a similar note, I cooked enough food for five meals today, so that while I am *ahem* stressed with revision *ahem* I shan't need to worry about cooking food.  How genius is that?!


Joe out.

14th of May

It has at least hit me just how much work need be done in order for me to pass my end of semester exams.  I can also be sure that I clearly haven't left enough time to do.  Many people will say to me, I told you so, but screw them.  One day I'm going to have to figure it out all for myself.  Why not let it be today.


University throws up many challenges to the unordained fresher.  And I think that this shall be the purpose of my blog.  Hopefully giving some useful insight amongst the rants and not so useful insights.  


The biggest challenge for those who, like me, relied on their parents for the most part, was the individualization that occurs.  I'm talking about cooking, cleaning, budgeting, learning and all the other things that there are countless accounts of plastered all over the internet.  I'll try and stay away from these as much as possible, and focus on the less well documented sides of things.  But for now, it is time for rest and recuperation, for there is a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. 


Joe out.

2nd of May

Today was a day of procrastination without too much too note, other than during my morning swim, I discovered a gentleman who switched to a faster lane, only to end up swimming slower than he was in the slow lane.  This frustrated me no end.  Why can't slow people see when they are holding people up?  I am also convinced that there are many people out there who deliberately start to swim slowly away from the end as I approach, knowing full well that the will get in my way.  They wait, and they know!!

I also discovered today I am still pretty much a cripple, and that my fastest run is a walk.  Which is rather depressing, and wasn't much fun while playing rennis or touch.  I was definitely the weak link in the team.  I did still have a cracking laugh.  

It may also be the case that I have let myself in for a wild weekend, heading up to a friend's university for their birthday shenanigans.  It could be very interesting, and without doubt an amazing magic trick that makes money disappear in the blink of an eye.  I'm really going to have to get some form of income over the summer in order to be able sustain myself...

Other than a ridiculous swimmer, and being a cripple, today's main gripe is with the fact that all my shirts now smell funny.  This may in part be down to keeping them stored in the same cupboard as my rugby kit, which in retrospect is not a brilliant idea.  I shall definitely have to rectify that as soon as possible, or all my nice clothes are going to start to smell, well, off.

I head to bed tonight in the knowledge that in the next two days I need to get the most part of the two rather large pieces of work I have yet to do.  What a pleasant good night thought.

Joe out.

1st of May

Ok, so maybe putting a day count isn't such a good idea if you won't post everyday.  Things get messy.


Right, back to reality.  Today has been long, but well worth it.  For today I purchased my first ever pair of chinos and an extraordinarily comfy pair of shoes.  Ordinarily I wouldn't probably ever have need of a pair of chinos, I only really bought a pair because society decrees that I need to wear them, and what society decrees must go in this case, for disobedience would probably result in copious amounts of alcohol being forced upon me. 


I am blessed/cursed with an affliction that means that even slightly tight fitting trousers tend to make me look like a cowboy.  Admittedly, I couldn't stop a pig in a run with my feet together, but wearing slim trousers only accentuates my bowed legs.  So much to my surprise and delight, I happened to find a pair that weren't so slim and don't make it look like I have rickets.  Which is outstanding!  What makes these chinos so much better, is that I think I can actually see myself wearing them, and rest assured, I am the person on earth least likely to be thought of as a chino guy.  


Moving on.  I like shoes.  Not to the same degree as women.  I mean, I don't obsessively, compulsively hoard and drool over shoes.  Me, I like nothing better than the satisfaction of putting on a great pair of shoes.  The feeling of a good pair of shoes is next to orgasmic!  Today's shoes are of the orgasmic range.  They are leather, and feel pretty dang good on my feet.  I don't care if I look stupid, or 'it's not my style.'  Nothing is going to stop me from wearing these beauties.


While I'm on this point, anyone who says, they aren't a shoe person is clearly a liar, or they wouldn't be wearing a pair.  Ask any child in a deprived country, and they will all say how much they would give for a decent pair of shoes.  If you are truly not a shoe person, then don't wear them, and show the world how much a not shoe person you are.  Go on.  I dare you.


On that note, I shall retire.  


Joe out.

26th of April

Day Four

My mechanics lecturer has now made up for the subject of mechanics being so bad.  While attempting to draw a rocket on the black board, his attempt failed miserably, before quipping that it must be a North Korean rocket.


That filled me with mirth and merriment for the rest of the day, and I hope it inspires you to do great things.


Joe out.

25th of April

Day Three

A couple of things have come to my attention today.  Firstly, how much I hate mechanics.  Secondly, how easily I can find things to distract myself.  And thirdly, how much I want to be Tony Stark/Iron Man.


Mechanics is a branch of maths that allows you to work out how hard and fast you would hit the ground if you were to jump from the Empire State Building.  And then to recalculate that velocity and energy dissipated were you to use an umbrella as a parachute.  Or more pointless things, such as, how would the speed of a jumbo jet be affected if it were to fly into a duck, and so on and so forth.  This is all very well and good if you are into it, but I'm not.  There seem to be far too many equations and rules to learn, to find a theoretical answer, that chances are won't matter to you because you'll be a squidgy mess of blood and bones at the bottom of a tall building.  I'm sure that as soon as I get my head around it, everything will become clear.


As for the distractions, turns out this blog is one of them.  I am a distractionary genius!!  I can find a distraction anywhere.  


Which brings me on to my third point, and possibly the biggest revelation of the day.  I want to be Iron Man/Tony Stark, and have constructed a list of reasons why.


Tony Stark:

• Alcoholic, billionaire playboy.  Pretty much says it on the tin.  Who wouldn't want to live in their own villa and be able to throw wild parties willy nilly.

• Extreme intelligence.  Also says it on the tin.  Being a genius would be amazing.  Every menial task would be just another excuse to create a machine that does the job.

• Your own headlight.  Never have to be afraid of the dark ever again, as the light upon your chest would forever be on.

• Dang he cool!

Iron Man:

• Flight systems.  The ability to fly, quickly, would be absolutely amazing.  And to be able to out manoeuvre jets would be the bees.

• Hi-tech on board computer.  You can have a cup of tea being made for you when you arrive home by simply asking.  Or failing that, you can have your suit line up and decapitate seven enemies in one foul swoop.

• Hot rod red and yellow.  Oozes sexyness.

• Dang he cool! 

So, aside from getting utterly frustrated by my inability to complete a mechanics coursework, I have had a productive day skirting work.  Now I'm going to head to bed, in the hope that tomorrow I wake up as Iron Man.

Joe out.

24th of April

Day Two

Today was also wet, but for many reasons, today's wetness was much better than the yesterdays.  For a start, most of it was intentional, and therefore acceptable.  For the latter part, when the wet was in the form of rain, there was a thunder storm and a rugby match to keep me occupied, and so I was distracted from the deluge.


The first wetness of the day was a shower.  Now in modern society this is an accepted way of staying hygienic, thus I am completely for them.  Rain, no matter how much it resembles shower water, will not have the same cleansing effect as having, what is effectively, warm rainwater shot at you through a pipe, whilst being enclosed in a small, rather claustrophobic glass/plastic box.  There is something about small glass/plastic boxes that makes rain acceptable to people, yet they complain tirelessly when it isn't confined to said box.


Anyhow, the second wetness of my day was in the form of a swimming pool.  Now, I like swimming, but there are a few things that wind me up no end whilst I am trying to swim.  

• Slow people in the wrong lane.  There is nothing more frustrating than piling into the back of the person swimming in front of you because they are travelling at a speed which a snail would snigger at.  It boils my blood.  And when they have the cheek to wait until I have almost arrived back at the end of the pool to set off, then I seethe.

• Icebergs.  I don't get how they float, let alone swim.  Some of these icebergs have been swimming for years, yet there appears to be no change.  One can only assume that they feel going for a swim constitutes a double portion at the local chippie.

• People who swim faster than me.

• Old bid breast stroke.  This involves swimming with the head held high above the water to prevent the hair from getting wet.  It also enables the conversation started at the ends of the pool to be carried along while the conversationalists swim, usually side by side.  They block the pool, and force slow people into the faster lanes, causing me to anger.  Grrr....

• Lane direction signs.  Eh?

• People who splash.

• People who splash a lot.

• Warm water.  There is nothing quite so nice as getting into a lovely warm pool.  It is something along the lines of getting into a warm bath after an arduous day.  However, after a few lengths you begin to feel like you are running through the tropics, as the warmth saps all the energy from your legs, and your body cannot cool down.  This is a form of torture, and should be banned.

• Life guards who clearly spend too long worrying about their image.  Does that not slightly concern anyone else?  If they love their image, are they likely to jump in to save you if their do might get wet?  That is a worrying thought.

I'm sure there are other things that annoy me, but I'm too tired to remember them right now, and probably aren't all that important in the first place.  So, I leave tonight, having first got wet in a box, then in a bigger box, before finally out in the open watching my team get beaten via dubious decisions and questionable opposition.  But that is definitely a story for another day....

Joe out.

23rd of April

Day one

First up, to be brutally honest, I'm not sure what I've let myself in for.  I started this blog to give me a space to talk about whatever I want.  So don't say I didn't warn you when you realise how much waffle I actually waffle.


I'm male, nearly twenty and at uni with exams just around the corner.  I don't know whether I started this for distraction or sanity.  Either way, I don't know where it's going...


Anyhow, today was wet.  Surprisingly wet.  Even though just about every weather station and forecast was telling me the same thing, I was still perplexed when I stepped outside and into a puddle.  This phenomenon didn't just happen once, but every time I stepped out of a building, causing me no end of grief.  That and forgetting to buy onions, but that's another story.


Today is about rain.  Rain is wet, and today it was wet and cold.  A gruesome combination if ever I did see one.  However, this rain was not the torrential downpour most often associated with rain, nor the fine mist or drizzle, but a half arsed attempt at something in between.  There was no respite from this downpour, and it made for grim viewing.  I for one don't mind the rain, but there are many things about rain that I don't like:

• People with pansy collapsible umbrellas.  Why get an umbrella that is going to curl up on you at the first sign of wind?  You might as well use a piece of paper for all the good its going to do you.  The fact that they are easy and convenient to store?  Once they are wet, who wants to put them in a bag?!  On the bus, you shake them out before you step on, drenching the person next to you, then proceed to stand with it dripping on the poor soul sat in the seat below.  Use a real man's umbrella, or face the rain full on with nought but the hair on your head!

• Puddles.  Step in one of these blighters and chances are that any waterproofing you shoe has, no matter how good, will be undone when the water flows in over the top.

• People using folders/books/paper as shelters.  It's just going to ruin said item!  Why do it?

• Congregation in inopportune places.  Ie the library.  When I go into the library to work, I do not appreciate have to wade through groups of wet people just sheltering from the wet.  Granted, they are sheltering from the wet, but if they are sheltering in the library, then maybe they could shelter and do some work, rather than sheltering for shelterings sake.

• Rust.  Water makes things rust.  Rusting makes things useless!!

These are just a few of the gripes I have with rain.

Well, that is all I want to say on the subject of rain, so I shall call it in here and drift serenely off to sleep to the sound of raindrops on my window outside, ripe in the knowledge that tomorrow is likely to bring yet more misery to the masses as the skies open and bring forth water from above.

Joe out.