26th of April

Day Four

My mechanics lecturer has now made up for the subject of mechanics being so bad.  While attempting to draw a rocket on the black board, his attempt failed miserably, before quipping that it must be a North Korean rocket.


That filled me with mirth and merriment for the rest of the day, and I hope it inspires you to do great things.


Joe out.

25th of April

Day Three

A couple of things have come to my attention today.  Firstly, how much I hate mechanics.  Secondly, how easily I can find things to distract myself.  And thirdly, how much I want to be Tony Stark/Iron Man.


Mechanics is a branch of maths that allows you to work out how hard and fast you would hit the ground if you were to jump from the Empire State Building.  And then to recalculate that velocity and energy dissipated were you to use an umbrella as a parachute.  Or more pointless things, such as, how would the speed of a jumbo jet be affected if it were to fly into a duck, and so on and so forth.  This is all very well and good if you are into it, but I'm not.  There seem to be far too many equations and rules to learn, to find a theoretical answer, that chances are won't matter to you because you'll be a squidgy mess of blood and bones at the bottom of a tall building.  I'm sure that as soon as I get my head around it, everything will become clear.


As for the distractions, turns out this blog is one of them.  I am a distractionary genius!!  I can find a distraction anywhere.  


Which brings me on to my third point, and possibly the biggest revelation of the day.  I want to be Iron Man/Tony Stark, and have constructed a list of reasons why.


Tony Stark:

• Alcoholic, billionaire playboy.  Pretty much says it on the tin.  Who wouldn't want to live in their own villa and be able to throw wild parties willy nilly.

• Extreme intelligence.  Also says it on the tin.  Being a genius would be amazing.  Every menial task would be just another excuse to create a machine that does the job.

• Your own headlight.  Never have to be afraid of the dark ever again, as the light upon your chest would forever be on.

• Dang he cool!

Iron Man:

• Flight systems.  The ability to fly, quickly, would be absolutely amazing.  And to be able to out manoeuvre jets would be the bees.

• Hi-tech on board computer.  You can have a cup of tea being made for you when you arrive home by simply asking.  Or failing that, you can have your suit line up and decapitate seven enemies in one foul swoop.

• Hot rod red and yellow.  Oozes sexyness.

• Dang he cool! 

So, aside from getting utterly frustrated by my inability to complete a mechanics coursework, I have had a productive day skirting work.  Now I'm going to head to bed, in the hope that tomorrow I wake up as Iron Man.

Joe out.

24th of April

Day Two

Today was also wet, but for many reasons, today's wetness was much better than the yesterdays.  For a start, most of it was intentional, and therefore acceptable.  For the latter part, when the wet was in the form of rain, there was a thunder storm and a rugby match to keep me occupied, and so I was distracted from the deluge.


The first wetness of the day was a shower.  Now in modern society this is an accepted way of staying hygienic, thus I am completely for them.  Rain, no matter how much it resembles shower water, will not have the same cleansing effect as having, what is effectively, warm rainwater shot at you through a pipe, whilst being enclosed in a small, rather claustrophobic glass/plastic box.  There is something about small glass/plastic boxes that makes rain acceptable to people, yet they complain tirelessly when it isn't confined to said box.


Anyhow, the second wetness of my day was in the form of a swimming pool.  Now, I like swimming, but there are a few things that wind me up no end whilst I am trying to swim.  

• Slow people in the wrong lane.  There is nothing more frustrating than piling into the back of the person swimming in front of you because they are travelling at a speed which a snail would snigger at.  It boils my blood.  And when they have the cheek to wait until I have almost arrived back at the end of the pool to set off, then I seethe.

• Icebergs.  I don't get how they float, let alone swim.  Some of these icebergs have been swimming for years, yet there appears to be no change.  One can only assume that they feel going for a swim constitutes a double portion at the local chippie.

• People who swim faster than me.

• Old bid breast stroke.  This involves swimming with the head held high above the water to prevent the hair from getting wet.  It also enables the conversation started at the ends of the pool to be carried along while the conversationalists swim, usually side by side.  They block the pool, and force slow people into the faster lanes, causing me to anger.  Grrr....

• Lane direction signs.  Eh?

• People who splash.

• People who splash a lot.

• Warm water.  There is nothing quite so nice as getting into a lovely warm pool.  It is something along the lines of getting into a warm bath after an arduous day.  However, after a few lengths you begin to feel like you are running through the tropics, as the warmth saps all the energy from your legs, and your body cannot cool down.  This is a form of torture, and should be banned.

• Life guards who clearly spend too long worrying about their image.  Does that not slightly concern anyone else?  If they love their image, are they likely to jump in to save you if their do might get wet?  That is a worrying thought.

I'm sure there are other things that annoy me, but I'm too tired to remember them right now, and probably aren't all that important in the first place.  So, I leave tonight, having first got wet in a box, then in a bigger box, before finally out in the open watching my team get beaten via dubious decisions and questionable opposition.  But that is definitely a story for another day....

Joe out.

23rd of April

Day one

First up, to be brutally honest, I'm not sure what I've let myself in for.  I started this blog to give me a space to talk about whatever I want.  So don't say I didn't warn you when you realise how much waffle I actually waffle.


I'm male, nearly twenty and at uni with exams just around the corner.  I don't know whether I started this for distraction or sanity.  Either way, I don't know where it's going...


Anyhow, today was wet.  Surprisingly wet.  Even though just about every weather station and forecast was telling me the same thing, I was still perplexed when I stepped outside and into a puddle.  This phenomenon didn't just happen once, but every time I stepped out of a building, causing me no end of grief.  That and forgetting to buy onions, but that's another story.


Today is about rain.  Rain is wet, and today it was wet and cold.  A gruesome combination if ever I did see one.  However, this rain was not the torrential downpour most often associated with rain, nor the fine mist or drizzle, but a half arsed attempt at something in between.  There was no respite from this downpour, and it made for grim viewing.  I for one don't mind the rain, but there are many things about rain that I don't like:

• People with pansy collapsible umbrellas.  Why get an umbrella that is going to curl up on you at the first sign of wind?  You might as well use a piece of paper for all the good its going to do you.  The fact that they are easy and convenient to store?  Once they are wet, who wants to put them in a bag?!  On the bus, you shake them out before you step on, drenching the person next to you, then proceed to stand with it dripping on the poor soul sat in the seat below.  Use a real man's umbrella, or face the rain full on with nought but the hair on your head!

• Puddles.  Step in one of these blighters and chances are that any waterproofing you shoe has, no matter how good, will be undone when the water flows in over the top.

• People using folders/books/paper as shelters.  It's just going to ruin said item!  Why do it?

• Congregation in inopportune places.  Ie the library.  When I go into the library to work, I do not appreciate have to wade through groups of wet people just sheltering from the wet.  Granted, they are sheltering from the wet, but if they are sheltering in the library, then maybe they could shelter and do some work, rather than sheltering for shelterings sake.

• Rust.  Water makes things rust.  Rusting makes things useless!!

These are just a few of the gripes I have with rain.

Well, that is all I want to say on the subject of rain, so I shall call it in here and drift serenely off to sleep to the sound of raindrops on my window outside, ripe in the knowledge that tomorrow is likely to bring yet more misery to the masses as the skies open and bring forth water from above.

Joe out.